Stranger

Have you ever wondered how you got to a certain point in life? Sometimes I feel like I've just been walking around in circles for the past four years.


I had therapy today, and as much as I love my therapist it pretty much sucks going there sometimes. I woke up this morning and instantly I knew something was wrong. Sometimes I have days like that, where without warning all the darkness suddenly engulfs you. It's like a fog, overwhelming yet intangable. You can't seem to figure out to reason for it but it's just there.

Apparently, (so I've read,) people with Borderline Personality Disorder have a particular lack of self identity- hence the title. Mostly I feel that all people my age have no clue who they are, but apparently in my case it's more severe.

Sitting on the train today I felt like I was melting away...it was as if the hot wind filtered through the window and went straight through me. I'm so lost in the world, in myself that I feel like I don't exist. My therapist asked me today what things do I enjoy doing? Simple question, but for the life of me I couldn't answer. I searched my brain and there was just nothing there. Nothing. Because I am nothing.

Where do we begin to find ourselves? And how can we make it less terrifying?