I have been here before and every time I feel the same thing; grateful and hugely pathetic.

I didn't go home last night. I was so exhausted I just didn't know how I could handle anything.

My employer, (mother of whose children I babysit), had dropped me off at the station after my shift so I could catch the train home. It was only after I got out of the car and she drove off that I realised she had forgot to pay me. This normally would have been fine, apart from the fact that I didn't have enough money to then get home. That's right people, I am THAT poor.

So in fit of panic I ran to the bus stop, hopped on, (I had $1 in my wallet. Lucky me!) and headed to the primary school where her daughter was currently having a music lesson. Did I mention by this poing that I was crying?

By the time I found her and told her I needed to be paid, she promptly sat me in the car, turned the heater on and told me she was kidnapping me for the night. She then proceeded to take me back to hers, feed me, clothe me and sent me straight to a warm comfortable bed. Oh I should also mention that I have been horribly sick for weeks and am still not well.

I am incredibly grateful to her and her husband for reaching out when I needed it. But the other part of me does not know how to deal with such kindness. It makes me feel slightly pathetic that I need to be taken care of. That despite my best efforts, I am not superhuman and that I do in fact need to be ...loved. There I said it.

What bothers me the most is that I have been in this situation far too many times before. Unable to cope anymore and relying on strangers/friends/aquaintances to care for me. It saddens me that I don't have that place called home, where my parents still live and where I can pop in anytime and say, "I'm sick, take care of me, here is my washing." It's not that I don't have parents who love me, I do. I just don't have that familiar place to return to.

But in the meantime I am thankful, for the warm bed, soft pajamas and a good feed.